voices embracing sunshine

Happy, but

2011-11-13T09:39:00.000-08:00

I'm finally happy. I love this. I love what I do. I love my family relationships. I love that I keep on learning. I'm loving life. No longer am I sad all of the time like I was in high school. It's pretty out there--the amount of passion I have for what I do. I'm growing up a lot. I'm on my own. Things are pretty darn swell.

i just miss my family, and my boyfriend. ridiculously.

2011-10-22T12:23:00.000-07:00

"You never know how much they mean to you until they're gone."

This has become entirely true for me. Family has always been my weakness, but up until now I never realized how much I should've taken advantage of the time I have with them. Being away from home, secluded in training, miles and miles away.. you really begin to realize who matters most to you. It's not your high school posse. When it comes down to it, it really truly is your family. I miss mine oh so much and hope that they're doing well. <3

This topic extends beyond family. You begin to realize which of your friends really care about you, which of your friends you really care about. When I'm homesick I only really think about a handful of people. Who actually writes you.

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Airborne School is more difficult for me than I had hoped. I need to get through this, it's imperative I do. /breathe.

I didn't give up.

2011-04-14T14:32:00.001-07:00

I stopped caring.

seeking You

2011-03-21T08:51:00.000-07:00

I am currently in 4th pd, but I can't help but want to blog. This stage/place I'm in of "recovery," as P.Stephen calls it, has me much more peaceful at heart than I can remember. This is amazing, Lord, but I'm not satisfied. The comfort with which I was able to approach you before is not as established now. I want it back. I want to seek You, yet it seems as if I have to relearn how to, I have to rebuild everything. Father, I don't know how to talk to You right now, but I know I want to. I want to meet You, and hug You. Spending time with You at the very start of my day is something I want again. I want to read Your word again, but not from cover to cover. I want to learn and grow by Your word. This morning I asked for guidance as to where to begin and my mind fell on the book of James. Why? I do not know, but give me the understanding and desire to learn and apply Your word. Teach me. Convict my heart and conscience of anything not of you. I feel my judgement has faltered and I want to align it with yours. Break my heart for what breaks Yours. My heart yearns for me to thrive in a relationship with You. I love You.<3 Thank You for not being finished.

2011-03-08T11:05:00.000-08:00

self imposed.
I need to prioritize, cut out idle time, and keep accountability.
there is a lot and I am going to need You on this one, and everything else<3
Stress wants to completely permeate my mind, body, and soul, but You are holding me together. I cannot recall the last time that I have been at such peace with so much going on. Thank you.

⁷Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you.
1 Peter 5:7 (New International Version, ©2011)

Heal my family. Heal my mom. Heal me,
please.

Not that easy.

2011-02-27T18:38:00.001-08:00

I'm uncomfortable....
Just barely coming back into something with You, and you want me to pray for her? Pray for healing for her?! I, myself, am barely starting to pray again. This is why I always asked others to pray for me. >.< My "voices embracing sunshine" doesn't help. [it immediately popped into my head] I need to, but I don't feel like I'm ready. /sigh.
here goes..

I need to obey you. I need to believe. I need to execute on faith, and your word.
<3

pause for a minute

2011-02-18T08:19:00.000-08:00

With all the busyness of life, I need to pause. Pause and recollect. Pause and process.

High school is nearing the end, but at times I wish that Earth's orbit and rotation would quicken its pace. I work hard in school now for myself and only myself. This really came into play after I became angered with the Lord. It gave me something to do. A motivation. I wanted to hold my own, to do it all without the help of my family. I had given up on family, on His promises, on Him. My rage was so overpowering and my stubbornness so bold. Heartbreak comes before anger. It broke my heart so deeply; I kept holding onto Him and the relationship I had with Him, in the believe that all His promises will come into play, in the love the I receieved here. Then I became upset and impatient. My whole life my family has been in need of restoration. I got angry, bitter, and spiteful. Because of that, I allowed myself to give up. Give up on Him, on my family, on everything but myself. School gave me a reason to keep going for me.

That alone does not hold you, at all. I will graduate with almost 50 college credit hours. I know my plans. That doesn't mean that sooner or later I don't break down because I broke down. All the built up frutstration and anger was releaseed upon my mom. Each and every cruel and profane word was used. I greatly disrespected her and Him. She understands now why I stopped attending church service, why I cannot pray. The TreBoys heard my story when I started to fall apart. I'm thankful they made me go to church, even theirs. Lord knows I miss Him. Lord knows it doesn't work without. Mother was right. She was going to keep praying, knowing he had a plan. She'd tell me he'd break me one day and she'll just pray till then. After attending City on a Hill, I decided I needed to be back within the VBC family. Return, at least for a visit and see how it goes. I was really only seeking Him. He found me. Harder and realer than I even wanted. It's inevitable really. Asking for forgiveness is a change from my stubborn side, but I need that relationship back. I need change. If Your promises will happen in their time, let them happen. Either way, I need You. This isn't working anymore. It never truly did.

There is much I need to work on, but I'm thankful for this start. I love you, Lord.

Your promise is above everything, above divorce, above everything.

My brother, sister, and mother are really amazing people. Just as a whole, we need to work at it. We got this(:

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After getting sick from overdoing school and not taking care of my family, I started failing. My last progress report card consists of shockingly low grades, but they're coming back up. Doing it on my own ended up suffocating me. Only through Him will it work for me. I will make it now, I will push through. I'm stronger than that. A strength defined by Him. My motivation has changed. Even one encounter leaves me happier. For the first time in the longest, I didn't stress. This past week I did not stress, for I know that things are looking up for me. In so many aspects of my life.

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I have goals. I should set deadlines, but right now I have no time.
I have become bored though. My daily routine is boring. To spice it up, I've asked
Sissy to teach me how to play the alto sax. It would be amazing to pick up violin again, but I have no sources. However, there is a saxaphone at home and I have a sister who plays it. I want to play tennis again too. I think I just want something to do. I have much to do, but I want something different to keep things interesting.

as for now, time to get back to my school work. :p

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I'm happy today. :DD

Pray for me.<3

Mother,

2010-10-08T14:55:00.000-07:00

I understand, but you're being hypocritical.

2010-10-04T11:45:00.000-07:00

NERVOUS..

leaving later today..physical and processing tomorrow, if everything goes well.
im nerous..
oh and i found out i'll most likely miss the first semester of college..[basic&job training] so how do i apply how? :o

national guard

2010-09-29T18:15:00.000-07:00

yes, I've been thinking of joining. Thought of it since last year. As of today, it really seems like it'll happen for me. Last year they sent me a scholarship and i filled it out, but no response. This year I have a recruiter, have a recruiter, physical, contract, and swear in Tuesday if everything goes well. :D

i am excited. i am nervous. lslkdjfioejiof

but i shouldn't be

-------------------------

i brought the topic up to you and you just didn't want to talk about it.
>.< /sigh that's fair though.

--------------------------

S2

(: much better

2010-09-19T00:53:00.000-07:00

I was really scared this morning. The past year could've been diminished of it's meaning in an instant. Then you stepped in and reminded me of maturity
Thank you for reminding me we're above all of that.<3

btw, I think I'm going to use tumblr for more open things. If anyone is interested:
http://rosavi.tumblr.com

2010-08-04T21:59:00.000-07:00

isn't it amazing that my own biological father would not answer my phone calls, skype calls, or email? :/
i know i started to give up on family, started to lose faith in His promises, and got mad at Him for it

"If we could sum up all the causes of hurt, pain and hatred in one word, it would be 'expectations'." Cdang.

...but it's not as if deep down inside i want a healthy family. it's one thing i've always longed for whether i show it or not. [and i know i do, even though i act pretty apathetic at times]

ughh. mother and sissy also. at least peter and i are on pretty good terms<3

family

2009-04-29T16:07:00.000-07:00

ive decided not to retrace my steps. if i did, it'd be extremely unorganized..more than its already going to be. but ill just attempt a record from here on out. or maybe more recently as well.

last friday was utterly amazing. and if you know my family, you know this is a never thing for us. during the prayer and praise at the alter my mom came up with the idea for all of us [her, me, and the siblings] to come before God together. receive prayer together for unity of the family and etc. when i went to get my brother he seemed kinda out of it. but when we started praying together and some people prayed for us, God's presence came. and He showed up like never before. i really really want our family restored. and i believe God will do it.

People ask me what moves me most and i must say family and God. Nothing even comes close. regardles.. i love them with everything

.
Matthew 18: 19-20
19"Again, I tell you that if two of you on earth agree about anything you ask for, it will be done for you by my Father in heaven. 20For where two or three come together in my name, there am I with them."

its true. unite in Him and great things happen. so join me in prayer?

&& its been awhile..

2009-04-21T16:55:00.000-07:00

a lot has happened since ive last been on this thing. and honestly.. i have no clue as to what im going to type but we'll see what comes out

so last time i updated was in nov of 08.

i promised God, i promised myself that o9 would be different. somehow i feel that i fulfilled that promise and yet i feel contradicting to it. can this possibly make sense?

i havent smoked weed since around thanksgiving. decided that i'd be clean in o9. drug free from here on out. and yesterday being 420, i wrote a poem about it. pretty amateur..but ive been on writers block for almost a year and this is only my second recent one. well here goes

april 20,2009;1st pd w.hist

its four twenty
the honoring of bob marley
promised, i wont hang with mary jane
besides from her i get no gain
look through me like an x-ray
you'll see me staying clean today
so what if i have a past
it didn't sustain, it didnt last
sorry cant change what happened then
just make sure not to repeat again
do i regret, the answers no
from it holds experience to grow
my cloud 9's long landed
also been back handed
done with the puff, puff, pass
i choose to maintain my class

bleck. i realy dont like this one. especially the excessive rhyming.

ill spill the rest later. theres a lot more positives to update on than simply marijuana.

<3love & God bless.

Welcome Rosavi!

2008-10-27T22:20:00.000-07:00

Consider this as a birthday present from me to you. I reckon that it's on time also! I know lots of stuff has been happening in your life, But I'm so thankful that you still retained much of your personality and that we still have the chance to keep in touch. I thank God for this opportunity that he gave us so that we can help each other stay close to him though the months. Best wishes to you and your next trip around the sun. The future may be uncertain, but God probably has something great in store for you. Hope you enjoy your new blog layout, and keep in touch.

-Thai An