I'm finally happy. I love this. I love what I do. I love my family relationships. I love that I keep on learning. I'm loving life. No longer am I sad all of the time like I was in high school. It's pretty out there--the amount of passion I have for what I do. I'm growing up a lot. I'm on my own. Things are pretty darn swell.
i just miss my family, and my boyfriend. ridiculously.
Sunday, November 13, 2011
Saturday, October 22, 2011
"You never know how much they mean to you until they're gone."
This has become entirely true for me. Family has always been my weakness, but up until now I never realized how much I should've taken advantage of the time I have with them. Being away from home, secluded in training, miles and miles away.. you really begin to realize who matters most to you. It's not your high school posse. When it comes down to it, it really truly is your family. I miss mine oh so much and hope that they're doing well. <3
This topic extends beyond family. You begin to realize which of your friends really care about you, which of your friends you really care about. When I'm homesick I only really think about a handful of people. Who actually writes you.
-----
Airborne School is more difficult for me than I had hoped. I need to get through this, it's imperative I do. /breathe.
This has become entirely true for me. Family has always been my weakness, but up until now I never realized how much I should've taken advantage of the time I have with them. Being away from home, secluded in training, miles and miles away.. you really begin to realize who matters most to you. It's not your high school posse. When it comes down to it, it really truly is your family. I miss mine oh so much and hope that they're doing well. <3
This topic extends beyond family. You begin to realize which of your friends really care about you, which of your friends you really care about. When I'm homesick I only really think about a handful of people. Who actually writes you.
-----
Airborne School is more difficult for me than I had hoped. I need to get through this, it's imperative I do. /breathe.
Thursday, April 14, 2011
Monday, March 21, 2011
seeking You
I am currently in 4th pd, but I can't help but want to blog. This stage/place I'm in of "recovery," as P.Stephen calls it, has me much more peaceful at heart than I can remember. This is amazing, Lord, but I'm not satisfied. The comfort with which I was able to approach you before is not as established now. I want it back. I want to seek You, yet it seems as if I have to relearn how to, I have to rebuild everything. Father, I don't know how to talk to You right now, but I know I want to. I want to meet You, and hug You. Spending time with You at the very start of my day is something I want again. I want to read Your word again, but not from cover to cover. I want to learn and grow by Your word. This morning I asked for guidance as to where to begin and my mind fell on the book of James. Why? I do not know, but give me the understanding and desire to learn and apply Your word. Teach me. Convict my heart and conscience of anything not of you. I feel my judgement has faltered and I want to align it with yours. Break my heart for what breaks Yours. My heart yearns for me to thrive in a relationship with You. I love You.<3 Thank You for not being finished.
Tuesday, March 8, 2011
self imposed.
I need to prioritize, cut out idle time, and keep accountability.
there is a lot and I am going to need You on this one, and everything else<3
Stress wants to completely permeate my mind, body, and soul, but You are holding me together. I cannot recall the last time that I have been at such peace with so much going on. Thank you.
7Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you.
1 Peter 5:7 (New International Version, ©2011)
Heal my family. Heal my mom. Heal me,
please.
I need to prioritize, cut out idle time, and keep accountability.
there is a lot and I am going to need You on this one, and everything else<3
Stress wants to completely permeate my mind, body, and soul, but You are holding me together. I cannot recall the last time that I have been at such peace with so much going on. Thank you.
7Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you.
1 Peter 5:7 (New International Version, ©2011)
Heal my family. Heal my mom. Heal me,
please.
Sunday, February 27, 2011
Not that easy.
I'm uncomfortable....
Just barely coming back into something with You, and you want me to pray for her? Pray for healing for her?! I, myself, am barely starting to pray again. This is why I always asked others to pray for me. >.< My "voices embracing sunshine" doesn't help. [it immediately popped into my head] I need to, but I don't feel like I'm ready. /sigh.
here goes..
I need to obey you. I need to believe. I need to execute on faith, and your word.
<3
Just barely coming back into something with You, and you want me to pray for her? Pray for healing for her?! I, myself, am barely starting to pray again. This is why I always asked others to pray for me. >.< My "voices embracing sunshine" doesn't help. [it immediately popped into my head] I need to, but I don't feel like I'm ready. /sigh.
here goes..
I need to obey you. I need to believe. I need to execute on faith, and your word.
<3
Friday, February 18, 2011
pause for a minute
With all the busyness of life, I need to pause. Pause and recollect. Pause and process.
High school is nearing the end, but at times I wish that Earth's orbit and rotation would quicken its pace. I work hard in school now for myself and only myself. This really came into play after I became angered with the Lord. It gave me something to do. A motivation. I wanted to hold my own, to do it all without the help of my family. I had given up on family, on His promises, on Him. My rage was so overpowering and my stubbornness so bold. Heartbreak comes before anger. It broke my heart so deeply; I kept holding onto Him and the relationship I had with Him, in the believe that all His promises will come into play, in the love the I receieved here. Then I became upset and impatient. My whole life my family has been in need of restoration. I got angry, bitter, and spiteful. Because of that, I allowed myself to give up. Give up on Him, on my family, on everything but myself. School gave me a reason to keep going for me.
That alone does not hold you, at all. I will graduate with almost 50 college credit hours. I know my plans. That doesn't mean that sooner or later I don't break down because I broke down. All the built up frutstration and anger was releaseed upon my mom. Each and every cruel and profane word was used. I greatly disrespected her and Him. She understands now why I stopped attending church service, why I cannot pray. The TreBoys heard my story when I started to fall apart. I'm thankful they made me go to church, even theirs. Lord knows I miss Him. Lord knows it doesn't work without. Mother was right. She was going to keep praying, knowing he had a plan. She'd tell me he'd break me one day and she'll just pray till then. After attending City on a Hill, I decided I needed to be back within the VBC family. Return, at least for a visit and see how it goes. I was really only seeking Him. He found me. Harder and realer than I even wanted. It's inevitable really. Asking for forgiveness is a change from my stubborn side, but I need that relationship back. I need change. If Your promises will happen in their time, let them happen. Either way, I need You. This isn't working anymore. It never truly did.
There is much I need to work on, but I'm thankful for this start. I love you, Lord.
Your promise is above everything, above divorce, above everything.
My brother, sister, and mother are really amazing people. Just as a whole, we need to work at it. We got this(:
-------------------------------------------
After getting sick from overdoing school and not taking care of my family, I started failing. My last progress report card consists of shockingly low grades, but they're coming back up. Doing it on my own ended up suffocating me. Only through Him will it work for me. I will make it now, I will push through. I'm stronger than that. A strength defined by Him. My motivation has changed. Even one encounter leaves me happier. For the first time in the longest, I didn't stress. This past week I did not stress, for I know that things are looking up for me. In so many aspects of my life.
-------------------------------------------
I have goals. I should set deadlines, but right now I have no time.
I have become bored though. My daily routine is boring. To spice it up, I've asked
Sissy to teach me how to play the alto sax. It would be amazing to pick up violin again, but I have no sources. However, there is a saxaphone at home and I have a sister who plays it. I want to play tennis again too. I think I just want something to do. I have much to do, but I want something different to keep things interesting.
as for now, time to get back to my school work. :p
------------------------------------------
I'm happy today. :DD
Pray for me.<3
High school is nearing the end, but at times I wish that Earth's orbit and rotation would quicken its pace. I work hard in school now for myself and only myself. This really came into play after I became angered with the Lord. It gave me something to do. A motivation. I wanted to hold my own, to do it all without the help of my family. I had given up on family, on His promises, on Him. My rage was so overpowering and my stubbornness so bold. Heartbreak comes before anger. It broke my heart so deeply; I kept holding onto Him and the relationship I had with Him, in the believe that all His promises will come into play, in the love the I receieved here. Then I became upset and impatient. My whole life my family has been in need of restoration. I got angry, bitter, and spiteful. Because of that, I allowed myself to give up. Give up on Him, on my family, on everything but myself. School gave me a reason to keep going for me.
That alone does not hold you, at all. I will graduate with almost 50 college credit hours. I know my plans. That doesn't mean that sooner or later I don't break down because I broke down. All the built up frutstration and anger was releaseed upon my mom. Each and every cruel and profane word was used. I greatly disrespected her and Him. She understands now why I stopped attending church service, why I cannot pray. The TreBoys heard my story when I started to fall apart. I'm thankful they made me go to church, even theirs. Lord knows I miss Him. Lord knows it doesn't work without. Mother was right. She was going to keep praying, knowing he had a plan. She'd tell me he'd break me one day and she'll just pray till then. After attending City on a Hill, I decided I needed to be back within the VBC family. Return, at least for a visit and see how it goes. I was really only seeking Him. He found me. Harder and realer than I even wanted. It's inevitable really. Asking for forgiveness is a change from my stubborn side, but I need that relationship back. I need change. If Your promises will happen in their time, let them happen. Either way, I need You. This isn't working anymore. It never truly did.
There is much I need to work on, but I'm thankful for this start. I love you, Lord.
Your promise is above everything, above divorce, above everything.
My brother, sister, and mother are really amazing people. Just as a whole, we need to work at it. We got this(:
-------------------------------------------
After getting sick from overdoing school and not taking care of my family, I started failing. My last progress report card consists of shockingly low grades, but they're coming back up. Doing it on my own ended up suffocating me. Only through Him will it work for me. I will make it now, I will push through. I'm stronger than that. A strength defined by Him. My motivation has changed. Even one encounter leaves me happier. For the first time in the longest, I didn't stress. This past week I did not stress, for I know that things are looking up for me. In so many aspects of my life.
-------------------------------------------
I have goals. I should set deadlines, but right now I have no time.
I have become bored though. My daily routine is boring. To spice it up, I've asked
Sissy to teach me how to play the alto sax. It would be amazing to pick up violin again, but I have no sources. However, there is a saxaphone at home and I have a sister who plays it. I want to play tennis again too. I think I just want something to do. I have much to do, but I want something different to keep things interesting.
as for now, time to get back to my school work. :p
------------------------------------------
I'm happy today. :DD
Pray for me.<3
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